I screened the lobby, winked and waved at the blonde receptionist and climbed down the stairs, plonking myself on the sofa like every other day. Rachel was on TV, plump yet pretty as ever working with her pots, pans and sauces. I dont know why I do not head straight to the gym like everyone else does but its too late to question my meandering routine now.
On impulse, I looked up and my jaw dropped and shut back tight in the micro second it took me to lower my head. Did I just see what I think I did. I craned my head up again and Yes! There it was….This bare bottom on the chest press, his face turned the other way around. Most of us who frequent the gym do not find the occasional plunging necklines or slipping pants to be a bolt from the blue. But this wasn’t your mundane plumbers butt. It was the naked and pale rear end of a man…a man with shaky and jittery movements I thought. I felt his head turn and I quickly looked down again wondering ‘what the hell is he thinking?? Can’t he feel the air brush on his skin?’ I was toying with the idea of walking up to the receptionist and telling her there was a man up there with his pants pulled down when my thoughts were disrupted by a pair of long legs climb the stairs up to the gym. Before I knew it I was following her. I couldnt bring myself to tell her of a possibly psychotic man upstairs but follow her I could.
As I reached upstairs and she made her way to elliptical trainer, I noticed the chest press on my right to be empty. I turned to my left and there he was… this time his face to me. Droopy eyes, quivering lips, drool sticking on the corner of his mouth, face unusually titled to his left. It didn’t take long for me to affirm my impression of this man being mentally challenged in some way. My juvenile analysis took a step further and zeroed in on what I would call a psycho sexual problem when I found him scan parts of me shamelessly. “Get away from me…you perv!” I want to shout out aloud. Instead, I did my ‘I am going to pretend you dont exist trick’ and stomped on the treadmill, furiously pushing all and sundry buttons. Didn’t take me long to question his family ‘Why isn’t some with him! How can they just let him loose! What if he rapes someone??!! Shouldnt be kept under watch?! I looked into the survellience camera and allowed myself to feel some sense of security.
The guy had unbashedly stared into my face despite my refusal to acknowledge him as a living thing for a good 5 mins before he turned his attention to the derriere on the elliptical. I was feeling nauseous. I kept shunning my mind from following his ….warding off the visual images I thought his brain must be busy conjuring up. I sighed out of exhaustion and looked down. As I did, I noticed his long T shirt seemed to cover what was very obvious 5 minutes ago. ‘Hmm probably no else noticed’ I thought. However, everyone did seem to notice his slight(?) deviation from normalcy. Couple of women at the far end of the floor exchanged whispers and looked at him in disgust when he took off his shirt while he was staring at them. I prepared myself to run in case of a more repulsive display that could follow but he put it back on within a couple of minutes.
When I saw him climb on the stationary bike and open his book to read, somehow I could not place that picture in tandem with the sex maniac image I had created of him. He was a lech, eager to mentally undress the next woman who walks his way…and unbashedly. What was he reading?? Porn?? I had a sick ‘I told you’ satisfaction when after 20 minutes of calmly reading away he got off the bike and his hand moved to wipe the saliva laden corners of his mouth and his eyeballs rolled over fresh flesh that had walked in.
I sunk into the sofa the second time. For some reason, it’s an integral part of the workout. Before I go in, I have crib about how lazy I feel to the maroon upholstery. And on my way out, I have to High Five it with ‘Yep I pulled it off’. It’s also a place where my mind likes to nibble on details I tend to squeeze into a tight box otherwise. My thoughts went back to him. He had left a good 15 minutes before me. Once those nervewrecking eyes and the seemingly disturbing aura of that body were no longer present, I began to feel a pang of guilt. I don’t know where the remorse stemmed from. I asked myself questions that made shift uncomfortably in my seat. ‘What if he was someone you knew?? Would you want to lock him up if he were your brother or father?? Is the fact that he is a prisoner of his mind that chooses to wander into a sordid and dark terittory his fault?? What could he have possibly done?? The place is under surveillance. He didn’t touch anyone. He didn’t hurt anyone.’
‘But he could’ a meek voice inside me tried to protest. ‘What if he grabbed an 18 year old. It might not kill her but it will be more than a scratch on her psyche.’ I hated to leave my thinking sanctuary without coming to a conclusion but on this occasion I knew it would be a long long wait if I didn’t and so I chose to walk home sooner than later.
The thought bounced back on numerous occasions and with each time I swayed more and more to the side that told me it was selfish or in fact cruel of me to want him banned from the normal life we all live. When I told of this to Balu, he just ended the whole thing with ‘You just go do you thing and come back. They have surveillance cameras and its a public place. There is nothing to worry.’ Typical of him. Everything was simplified, clear and practical. No moral dilemma and sentimental jargon. No complexities.
Three days later, by the time I had tossed the whole moral, pyschological, philosophical mumbo jumbo with ‘Why am I screwing my head with this?? I wont probably see him again’, I bumped into him again on my way upstairs. Startled for a moment when my eyes met his, but also relieved in the very next for the fact that he was on his way out. The relief was short lived though. Moments later I found him circling my treadmill trying to make eye contact. My eyes refused to let go of my ipod screen which was their safe haven since I saw this guy for the first time. I desperately fumbled searching inside me to catch hold of that sensible, compassionate self that always seemed to reason that a friendly smile won’t hurt but it was nowhere to be found.
However, the minute he moved away it wasted no time in raising its ugly head and reminding me of how insensitive I was. This was only compounded by the fact that I saw a lady actually converse with him like he was just one among ‘us’. No, she wasn’t just acknowledging his presence or giving him a courteous smile she was actually chatting up with him. She was telling him of her insomnia and how she had a hard time dealing with it. I realised he spoke with difficulty too when I couldn’t actually fathom what he was saying but I guessed it must have been about his ‘condition’.
Although from the corner of my eyes it seemed like any other casual conversation, my ears expected a cry of ‘Get your hands off me’ in the next few seconds. It never happend! She waved him good bye with a smile and I saw him wave back excitedly, almost childlike. By this time, ’the’ (dont know if I could say ‘my’ any longer) compassionate self was spitting in my face and its shrills were tearing my eardrums. ‘See? That’s how the world looks like when people are non judgemental. You should be ashamed of yourself. The least you could do was look him in the eye and then look away but you treated him like this ugly open sore on the person sitting next to you.’
I fisted STOP on the treadmill. I wanted to go lock myself up in the steam room. Any room where no one would look at my face .As I was about to turn and head my way there I sensed his steps nearing me. My eyes mechanically shifted from the STOP button to the Ipod screen again. He was in front of me now. ’Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’ he voice trailed as his head tilted shaking uncontrollably to the right. My cold yet sweaty hands pushed on the start button. The shrilling voice had now grown strong long arms that were tuggingly violently at my shoulders, shaking me furiously ”Just look once” but I just couldn’t! I just choose to drown both their voices by increasing the decibel level of my Ipod to max.
